I love my solitude

There are times in my life I wished to myself that I was completely alone - only by myself and nobody else around me would be there. I wish...

I don't want any of my friends ,family,lover, workers and even my own socialite pseudo being to be there within me. I want complete silence....... A silence so pure that only my breath will become my guardian to my solitude. Is it just me or it is a phenomenon with people in general? Or is it my pseudo being which at times gets depressed and wants to run away from all the social wants and needs? There are too many expectations from a person in general- be it from my parents, my friends , my boyfriend, my relatives,my acquaintances and my employees- every body has got expectations from me and I have to live up to their expectations always??

Even I have got expectations from my own self! So it seems like I'm gonna lead the rest of the life fulfilling those expectations. Is that is why we are all here for??

Then again when I look from the other point of view I realize I expect people around me to behave in a certain way and I do have certain expectations from them! But even if they don't fulfill them I try not to get disappointed rather I try and lower my expectations.

Is it wrong to do so? Or does that make me a lesser being? For me I always believe in the goodness of the humankind . I have a undeniable faith in the people around me because I believe everybody has got some amount of purity left in them, which they just need to nurture . But circumstances are such that these basic goodness gets hidden under the day to day haggling and challenges. So for me to lose trust in somebody doesn't happen that quickly because I know I'm not Perfect.

Is it in the pursuit of Perfection that we are slowly loosing our sanity . Are we the ones who get drawn into the theory of 'grass is greener on the other side'? Is it because of this we are always looking for something better somewhere?

I always wondered about it and came to the conclusion that I'm also a part of the same human pschye? Or am I generalizing? Am I just alone out there?

That is why I rather be alone even away from my usual self where I don't have desires for myself . And in complete solitude I want to realize the reason for all these expectations.......

I love my solitude.............

P.S. - The above pic was part of our A/W 05/06 Collection . The black satin fitted shirt with completely no stitch line visible has been finished mostly by hand . The white georgette skirt with aari line embroidery and Cezc bead detailing has got a soft fall over a figure. The overall effect is that of complete innocence and that of a calm prevails in this out fit.

This specific photoshoot was done keeping in mind the overall attitude this garment emanated -we let the light become a character in itself by overexposing the picture to the light .... The message of completeness within one's own space.......

A marvellous potrayal of self satisfaction with thy self!!

I am waking up

Ask any gregarious guy to write down what he just said ... I am sure he will not remember half the things he just said... gosh this is tough ... I am scared that I have to read all the stuff that I just went on blabbering out to people and more over I have to write them down. Feels peculiar It's like slowing down your thought process and try to organize your thoughts and then write. I feel like I'm swimming underwater where the time has slowed down completely and everything is moving in an animated motion. I can almost feel all my brain parts are trying to oil up it's parts and start in the process! I guess a long stretch of inactivity must have rusted out all these parts.
This is definitely tougher than I thought....
The last time I remember writing down all my mental processes was during my two year stint with my child hood sweet heart Pallavi a story which I will touch upon in due course of time - a time definitely to be remembered and cherished for years to come. But this time I guess I have got drawn in slowly .. I tried resisting for a very long time giving reasons like 'I'm not going to become like one of those freaks floating through the world of so called Matrix(one of my all time favorite movies- though I needed to see the movie at least 4 times before I understood it fully). I guess at last I couldn't resist the temptation to share my bizarre thoughts and viewpoints with the rest of the world.
Here I am trying to wake up from a slumber -which was very circumstantial due to reasons of the "career kind". I mean I was busy with trying to establish a livelihood for my self. It doesn't mean that I am well established it's just that I think I'm in a position where at times I can take a break from work and jot down my thought processes ( rather try to untangle them) . Ah it's thereabouts, I'm already feeling the nerves are going easy on me.
-For all those who will be reading this notes at times just bear with the fact I am having a soliloquy within a soliloquy - cos my mind works like that , a bit disorganized - at times it will be zapping from ideas to idea. But I hope at the end it will make a sense!
Okay now that I have named this blog after something relating to fashion I guess every now and then I will be touching upon that topic. But I must clarify that to me fashion is not only about what we wear- it's about what we see, eat , drink ,sleep , even in the way we talk. As a designer I am a silent observer of all the minutest things happening around me. Each of these things affect me as a person and effects my thought processes as a creator. Thus my notes will be on a lot of these observations. So i hope in the process my brain parts gets oiled up!

Aha at last I feel like I have Woken up!!


P.S. - the above pic is from our Autumn- Winter 2005/06 Collection. It was part of our growing up collection which was well recieved as well as our coming of Age photoshoot with Shonal Rawat. Will be posting various more pics from our collection in the days to come..........Check out our website http://www.devnil.com/